I played D&D for the first time last week. Contrary to what people used to believe, it didn’t involve any demonic rituals or even a bit of chanting. We were just five nerds in a basement, eating popcorn and arguing about goblins. At least, that was the reality. In our heads, we were brave adventurers- an elf, a thief, a barbarian dwarf, and a ranger (and one powerful and all-knowing DM)- in a tavern meeting with a mysterious man the dwarf would later describe as “a solid eight.”
Given our quest, we four brave adventurers left to deliver a wagon- an exciting task, I know. Unfortunately, shortly after finally resolving who got to ride in the wagon and actually departing the tavern, we came across the dead horses of the mysterious man (“that tall drink of water,” according to our thief) and his companion. The two appeared to have escaped, but still: dead horses.
We soon discovered the reason as four goblins descended on us from the forest (“Wait! I brought visuals!” screamed our DM, interrupting herself to pull out a picture of a goblin she had printed from the web). We had to fight back, and as the most magically powerful of us, I was chosen to go first.
That was a mistake. I hadn’t chosen my spells yet, so I ended up attacking with a scimitar and missing. As the other players joked that I was still drunk from the tavern, they attacked with varying degrees of success. As we continued to take turns, I landed a few hits and managed to only slice my own leg open once. Finally, we were victorious- we killed all four goblins, managing to get information out of the last before he choked on his own blood and died. Then our dwarf decided he wanted to make extra-sure the final goblin was dead. He swung at it with his axe, missed, and killed the ranger.
Let me repeat that: he tried to kill an ALREADY DEAD goblin, but missed and killed his own teammate.
Or almost killed. Our ranger, his Hit Points below zero, rolled the dice desperately to save himself. Finally, I stepped in and managed to stabilize him with my superior elvish knowledge of medicine. We decided to stop for the night- both in real life and in the game- before anyone else did anything stupid, harassing our dwarf the whole time.
So that was it- my first adventure. It was fun, and I’m excited to continue the quest. Am I going to go buy all the D&D merch there is and dress up as my character for Halloween? Probably not. Still, who knows- I’ve done weirder things.