A Quotation for Everything

It’s that time of year again.

Well, that was ominous, you say. What time?

Time to get out your cold-weather clothes? Time to find and consume every pumpkin spice-flavored food imaginable? Time to snuggle up next to a fire to read a good book or watch some Netflix?

Well, yes, all of those things. But it’s also that time of year where seniors across America struggle to come up with a fun and relatable but unique yearbook quote in time to submit it with their senior pictures.

So! In honor of all the seniors out there, I have compiled a list of some of the best quotes from books and movies that would work fabulously next to any senior picture. They’re all from works that almost anyone would recognize, but most of them are overlooked enough that you wouldn’t have to worry about other people using them. I have also included my own analysis of each quote so you know exactly how you’ll come across to everybody else. So without further ado: senior quotes.

1) “I am no bird, and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.” -Jane Eyre, Jane Eyre

What it says about you: You are somebody who is well-read and classy, but you are also super excited to be free from school.

2) “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”  -Jane Austen, her own letters

What it says about you: You’re antisocial, but like in a cool way.

3) “What, like it’s hard?” -Elle, Legally Blonde

What it says about you: You are someone who has it together. You also have great taste in classic 00’s movies.

4) “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” -Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter

What it says about you: You are brave and daring (a true Gryffindor).

5) “Who says life is fair, where is that written?” -The Princess Bride

What it says about you: You’re a pessimist (again, with great taste).

6) “We’ll never survive!” / “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.” –  Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride

What it says about you: You’re an optimist (in a slightly morbid way).

7) “When in doubt, go to the library.” -Ron describing Hermione, Harry Potter

What it says about you: You like books. Like, really like books.

8) “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” -Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

What it says about you: Maybe you liked the people you went to school with, maybe you didn’t. Who really knows?

9) “Dobby is a free elf!” -Dobby, Harry Potter

What it says about you: You don’t fix what isn’t broken- this is a classic yearbook quote. You are finally your own person (or should I say elf).

Image result for dobby is free

(Note: If you still can’t pick a quote, just use literally anything from Mean Girls. That movie is iconic.)

*Title comes from the quote by Dorothy L. Sayers, “I always have a quotation for everything – it saves original thinking.”

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Everything I Know About Sports I Learned From Books

Growing up, I was never a very athletic child. I wasn’t terribly weak or unbearably slow, I just preferred to read instead of playing sports. Because of this, I only really knew about sports what I had read, and I read mostly fiction. So here we go: everything I know about sports from reading fantasy books.

1) A Hobbit invented golf

“…Old Took’s great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, [was] so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul’s head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.”

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

Image result for golfimbul
The great Golfimbul, moments before defeat

2) The Chasers, Keepers, and Beaters of a Quidditch team are basically irrelevant

“‘Now, the last member of the team is the Seeker. This is the Golden Snitch, and it’s the most important ball of the lot. It’s very hard to catch because it’s so fast and difficult to see. It’s the Seeker’s job to catch it. You’ve got to weave in and out of the Chasers, Beaters, Bludgers, and Quaffle to get it before the other team’s Seeker, because whichever Seeker catches the Snitch wins his team an extra hundred and fifty points, so they nearly always win.’”

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Image result for quidditch sorcerer's stone
Seriously, why have a single ball worth 150 points? It is possible for a team to win without having caught the Snitch, as demonstrated in the 1994 Ireland vs Bulgaria Quidditch World Cup, but those games are so unusual that my point still stands.

3) The bears have the right to provide one Marshal of the Lists in any single combat (even should the bear not be a particularly dignified one)

‘“Yes,” said the Bear. “But it was always a right of the bears to supply one marshal of the lists.”

“Don’t let him,” whispered Trumpkin to Peter. “He’s a good creature, but he’ll shame us all. He’ll go to sleep and he will suck his paws. In front of the enemy too.”

“I can’t help that,” said Peter. “Because he’s quite right. The Bears had that privilege. I can’t imagine how it has been remembered all these years, when so many other things have been forgotten.”

“Please, your Majesty,” said the Bear.

“It is your right,” said Peter. “And you shall be one of the marshals. But you must remember not to suck your paws.”

“Of course not,” said the Bear in a very shocked voice.

“Why, you’re doing it this minute!” bellowed Trumpkin.

The Bear whipped his paw out of his mouth and pretended he hadn’t heard.”

Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis

Image result for narnia bears
A truly dignified creature

4) Croquet is one of the most difficult and frustrating games to play (even worse than football)

“Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.”

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Image result for alice in wonderland croquet
Who has it worse: the flamingo or the hedgehog?

5) Killing and/or maiming is NOT ALLOWED in Capture the Flag (or no dessert!)

“One of [Clarisse’s] cabinmates slashed his sword across my arm, leaving a good-size cut.

Seeing my own blood made me dizzy- warm and cold at the same time.

“No maiming,” I managed to say.

“Oops,” the guy said. “Guess I lost my dessert privilege.”’

The Lighting Thief by Rick Riordan

Image result for capture the flag percy jackson
I suppose it’s a reasonable punishment?

So there you have it: an entirely serious list detailing the ins and outs of various sports through fantasy books. I’ve become a bit of an expert over the past years, really, so if you ever have any sports-related questions, don’t hesitate to ask. (Just kidding. Definitely hesitate.)

Why Dragons and Teacups?

My friend gave me a book for my birthday called His Majesty’s Dragon, by Naomi Novik. It has an interesting premise- what if dragons fought in the Napoleonic Wars?- but it was the quote on the back from Time that really caught my eye.

“Enthralling reading- like Jane Austen playing Dungeons & Dragons with Eragon’s Christopher Paolini.”

A picture formed in my head almost instantly of what that crossover might look like: a group of dragons and warriors, huddled around a table with tiny cups having an afternoon tea before rising, brushing the dust off their tailcoats, and going to battle. The idea made me laugh, but after starting to actually read the book, I soon forgot about it.

However, there was now that seed of an idea in my head. Then a few days later, I was at work and doing a somewhat mindless task when an even better mental image came to mind- a tiny dragon in a teacup. I wish I was artistic, because I have never wanted to draw something more.

Dragon in a teacup
This is not mine, even though I wish it was- credit to thefontbandit on DeviantArt

I wanted to do something with those words, even if I couldn’t do anything with the picture. I liked the way they sounded together and the instant contrast they created in one’s mind. I decided to do something I’d been considering since seventh grade and start a blog.

I don’t know if anything will come of this blog; I don’t know if anyone will even read it. But I’ll never know if I don’t just start writing.

The Journey Begins

I played D&D for the first time last week. Contrary to what people used to believe, it didn’t involve any demonic rituals or even a bit of chanting. We were just five nerds in a basement, eating popcorn and arguing about goblins. At least, that was the reality. In our heads, we were brave adventurers- an elf, a thief, a barbarian dwarf, and a ranger (and one powerful and all-knowing DM)- in a tavern meeting with a mysterious man the dwarf would later describe as “a solid eight.”

Given our quest, we four brave adventurers left to deliver a wagon- an exciting task, I know. Unfortunately, shortly after finally resolving who got to ride in the wagon and actually departing the tavern, we came across the dead horses of the mysterious man (“that tall drink of water,” according to our thief) and his companion. The two appeared to have escaped, but still: dead horses.

We soon discovered the reason as four goblins descended on us from the forest (“Wait! I brought visuals!” screamed our DM, interrupting herself to pull out a picture of a goblin she had printed from the web). We had to fight back, and as the most magically powerful of us, I was chosen to go first.

Goblin
She was really proud of this visual, so I put it here so you could experience the magic too. You’re welcome.

That was a mistake. I hadn’t chosen my spells yet, so I ended up attacking with a scimitar and missing. As the other players joked that I was still drunk from the tavern, they attacked with varying degrees of success. As we continued to take turns, I landed a few hits and managed to only slice my own leg open once. Finally, we were victorious- we killed all four goblins, managing to get information out of the last before he choked on his own blood and died. Then our dwarf decided he wanted to make extra-sure the final goblin was dead. He swung at it with his axe, missed, and killed the ranger.

Let me repeat that: he tried to kill an ALREADY DEAD goblin, but missed and killed his own teammate.

Or almost killed. Our ranger, his Hit Points below zero, rolled the dice desperately to save himself. Finally, I stepped in and managed to stabilize him with my superior elvish knowledge of medicine. We decided to stop for the night- both in real life and in the game- before anyone else did anything stupid, harassing our dwarf the whole time.

So that was it- my first adventure. It was fun, and I’m excited to continue the quest. Am I going to go buy all the D&D merch there is and dress up as my character for Halloween? Probably not. Still, who knows- I’ve done weirder things.

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Even though I’m not planning on dressing as her (yet), I still wanted to envision what she would look like! (Made using Doll Divine’s awesome RPG Heroine Creator)